i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
She needs sedatives and a leash
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
