Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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