my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
