Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
