He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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