Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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