My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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