When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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