I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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