i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
