Kiss
Puke
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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