and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
