I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
