I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
