Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
