Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
