at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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