The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I think people are normalizing furries
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
