Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
