you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
