And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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