this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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