I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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