girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
