I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize