So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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