it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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