The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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