shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
