I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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