So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
