I could have mohawked her pubes.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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