If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
The best revenge is premature balding
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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