Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
