oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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