i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
