lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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