he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
