SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
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I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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