Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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