Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
