Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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