remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
