I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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