i permit you to call me
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
God, I missed his penis.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
