she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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