In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
