You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
