marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
