apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
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Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
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let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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