Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
