sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
