Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
