Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
