dude i'm inner monologue high
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
