she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
