i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
