i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
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I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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