What a fucking waste of an outfit
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
