I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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