I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
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He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
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May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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