Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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