coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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