so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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