dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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