how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
