I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
