One girl and one boy is just not enough.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
