this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
