I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
